fuck you to anyone that ever did me wrong. 
Make friends, loose friends, get stepped on my friends, get ignored by friends, get betrayed by friends.

what the fuck are friends?
Who is there for me when I actually need someone or someone to talk to ? 
No one.  I am always, ALWAYS there for so many people.. Never turn my back.. I am tired of the constant headaches, the constant pain I feel from everyone around me. Been putting up with this shit from everyone for far too long .

I feel that If I disappeared.. nobody would question or care. 
I ask people to hang out, I get no responses ever or the “cant” or “im busy”
Oh? well did you not want to hang out like yesterday and now actually trying to make plans you don’t want too?

People only ever come around me if
1. they need a ride
2. they need somebody to talk too
3. They want money
4. If they have nothing better to do
5. If they are lonely
6. If they have questions about a particular subject
7. If they need help with anything..

what the fuck. 
i Actually put effort in and constantly get walked on by all walks of life……………

I watch my girlfriend go through this same shit too and go back to the same group of “friends”  . I am so irritated and pissed off……
Starting to close the doors & building up the walls.



Now: I stop showing up for work at walmart because they are fucking assholes.. literally they are.. My back gets fucked up and they stll expect me to be there lifting shit etc.. excuse me? Im getting paid11 dollars and hour.. 9 hour shifts… to break my body ? and get treated like a big pile of worthless shit? Fuck you. So stopped going.. Now I am going to be roofing again for double what I got at walmart.. and believe it or not…. this job is not as demanding as my old one..

Im sick of being treated like garbage..
I want change.. 

Now.

I’ve been driving on this road too long.
Just trying to find my way back home.
the old me is dead and gone. 
dead and gone.

I may not have many to company me in my life.  I may be surrounded by people, surrounded by them everyday.
I do know three things. Three things that I will hold onto forever. 
Forever as long as they need me too as I will need them for as long as I breathe. 

As my heart pumps my bi-polar vile blood throughout my veins,
I know I will remain the same. Uncontrollable two faced know it all emotions raging everyday, every second, every ways.

These three things, are not things at all, they are all but people who have shown me that they will stay with me, will not abandon me, leave me in the rain. 

They will be there as my shield. 
They will not leave me die in vain.

My best male friend, Patrick Fiss. Been buddies since I can remember.
My best girl friend, Amber Nichols, Came into my life and is the other half of my head and heart.
My Parents, as much as they say they are going to cast me out, they never did. 

Thank you, I love you . 

It felt good hanging out with my old best friend, and old friend, the clan was sitting there giggling away at stupid shit like we would. On another note, It was rather splendid !!   Him and I are into cars, but we remain the same… Just he has a beard.. shaved head.. I have my long hair, dark clothes, piercings still.. LOL.. oh lawwwrd. Ill never grow up ! jk. I am. but yeah, maybe we can become bff’z again .. I need to start bmx again.. jumped on his bike and I miss it !

I feel like the fish in above me, Inside of its glass cage. Swimming wall to wall. I can’t get out. Sleep, repeat, 

Sleep repeat die.

Like I said
Leave your baggage at the back door
I’m leaving you the way I think it should be
We’re always pulling into spaces that we can’t back out of
Starting fights we can’t talk our way out of them

How does it feel to be on the recieving end of this one?

Who I am hates who I have been.
Who I am misses who I was.
Who I am wants to kill my every sin. 

Rebirth.

Beneath my feet are now crushed skulls & bones.
before, wild roses but I had stepped on a thorn to many.
My world had come down. Brought me down past my knees.
Beheaded me as I would speak.
I am weak.
I have been reaped.
I am a shallow ghost of someones easy kill.

I am the death of me.

Not sure what it is about people that drives me mad.
Maybe it is being forgotten for my whole life already. 
I am only 19. This is pretty sad to feel at such a young tender age.
I fear everyone. I get burned so easily, I get treated like crap, Ignored.
I don’t even try anymore. I make the best assumptions while keeping my guard up. 

I know I am alone. 
Caution, move slow, don’t let them know your afraid.
all they want it to skin you alive.all they want it to skin you alive.

all they want it to skin you alive.all they want it to skin you alive.

all they want it to skin you alive.all they want it to skin you alive.

all they want it to skin you alive.all they want it to skin you alive.

all they want it to skin you alive.all they want it to skin you alive.